Breastfeeding. This is easy, right???

Nowadays, it's totally normal and encouraged that we moms breastfeed.  Things change so much from generation to generation.  Talking to my mom for instance, breastfeeding wasn't really happening when I was born.  Most kids were formula fed and no one was considered a "bad mom" if they didn't breastfeed.  Personally, after everything we went through with baby girl, I believe whatever you do to help your little one survive makes you a "good mom".  Here is my story and I hope it helps a mom or family going through the same thing we had gone through.

When we first found out we were pregnant we had so many questions.  Then when we announced our news to everyone we got a whole new gaggle (always wanted to use that) of questions. 

Are you going to have an epidural?
Are you going to be out of work for long?
Where are you going to deliever?
And my favorite..... Are you going to breastfeed?

The last question I was unsure of at first.  I didn't know how I would feel about it.  Breastfeeding wasn't a big thing in my family and I didn't have a lot of information on it.  Once we started seeing our midwives and I talked to some of my veteran mom friends we decided we would breastfeed.  Do you hear how cocky that is?  "We decided we would breastfeed."  Like it's that easy.

The midwives talked about it like it would be super easy.  They did suggest taking a class given at the hospital and so we did.  My amazing boyfriend or baby daddy and I sat in this class full of expecting moms and some supportive significant others and listened for about an hour and a half about breastfeeding.  Then they showed the video of a newborn babe rooting and I thought it was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen.  Hormonal and prego, I teared up.  I looked at Jimmy, who was laughing at me for being emotional, and told him we are breastfeeding.

Fastforward to our delivery and meeting our gorgeous girl for the first time and all the nurses in the room telling me, "Ok, feed her now."

I had no flipping clue what I was doing.  Ava attempted to latch and it was all wrong.  She cracked my nipple and I thought it was going to fall off.  I imediately asked for a lactation specialist because my amazing friend Jessica had suggested to do so. She has 2 littles ones so she is a vet!  The nurses explain that they all have had training and if I need any help they can all help out.  BOLOGNA!!! They might have had the knowledge but there was no sharing. 

I was up for 2 whole nights straight with Ava and they told me she was cluster feeding.  What was happening was Ava and I did not have the whole latching process down.  We went through a whole week of no sleep and poor Ava not being fed properly.  Jimmy was amazing through the whole week.  He was googling, youtubing and call friends to help us out.  My same amazing friend Jessica even came over on Thanksgiving night. 

Finally, Ava's newborn check up came and she had lost too much weight and our peditrican wanted us to supplement.  I was so sad and feeling like a failure.  I couldn't even feed our baby. At the class and through lots of research, you  read about nipple confusion and how supplementation drops your supply.  Just an FYI, that didn't happen for us. 

We started supplementing and I was pumping or at least trying to pump.  I literally had no idea what I was doing. 

Monday rolled around and I had remembered at the class we had taken they told us there was a free lactation clinic at the hospital we delievered at.  Jimmy dropped Ava and I off and they helped us so much!  We were able to see how much she was eating, how to latch properly and how to build my supply.  The only issue I had was they believed I was doing the wrong thing by supplementing Ava to help get her weight up.  I left feeling like a failure again.  This happened another 2 Mondays in a row.  Finally, I had to be nice to myself and not go.

Through all of this, our peditrican had noticed Ava was looking jaundice and tested her bilirubin.  We got a call back and found out that Ava's indirect bilirubin levels were elevated.  Translated, we don't just throw her under a heat lamp and she's all better.  Something was wrong with her liver.  This whole situation will be my next blog for sure.  But, she wasn't able to process her food properly.  It wasn't just me.  It wasn't the supplementation.  If it wasn't for the supplementation and all the feedings we were doing there's a good chance our baby girl wouldn't be where she is today.

Eventually, we ended up in the NICU for 10 days and it was there that we had the most amazing lacation specialist.  She was caring and sincere.  She explained that it doesn't make me a failure because I had to supplement.  She had a hospital grade pump brought to the room and had me pumping like crazy.  My supply wasn't great.  I didn't have enough gold in the mine for the babe so supplementing was what we needed to do until we could get more gold.  I would nurse Ava, then Jimmy would feed her her supplementation and I would pump.  This went on the entire time in the NICU.  By the time we left, my supply had more than doubled.  It tripled!

We went home and I started looking up prices on the hospital grade pump, The Symphony,  I used because it worked so well.  I was reading the reviews and this woman wrote the most amazing review and I'm sure she doesn't know how much it would help someone.  She explained that she didn't have a great supply and she had to supplement.  She also explained that she learned to be ok with it by reminding herself that no matter what, she was able to give her baby what she could.  She was still giving her baby breastmilk in the first few months of life which is stressed to be the most important even if she had to supplement afterwards.  She was encourging and motivating to keep pumping to build your supply, to eat the right foods/calories and to be proud of doing what you can for your baby.  Your supply will grow but even if it doesn't you're still a good mom. 

Ava was nursing until April 10th and then her hunger was more than I could handle lol!  I was so incredibly sad that we weren't nursing anymore because I loved the bonding.  I did cry.  I cried so many times over breastfeeding but now our little lady's growth chart is always increasing and she is a happy healthy baby.  I do still pump twice a day and her last feeding of the day is a mix of her formula (we use Earth's Best) and breastmilk. 

If I could help give any advice it would be this.....

Breastfeeding is REALLY hard.  It's a skill that you and your baby have to learn.  If you do have to supplement your little one, you are not a failure.  You are not a "bad mom".  Get help and don't be ashamed to ask for it.  Or, give your baby formula.  No one is a better or smarter person just because they were breastfed.  Love your baby and enjoy the time you have with them while they are still dependant on you. 

The Beginning (Birth Story)

Of course we start with the "Birth Story". I think the hardest part about this is where to begin.  Let's see....

Jimmy, my boyfriend and Ava's dad, were given the due date of Nov 12th.  We had our pregnancy photos done with that date.  Jimmy made sure we had bags packed the week before.  My mom had a flight scheduled for the 15th. We had a dog sitter on standby for our amazing dog Jake. Nursery set up because WOW! nesting is a for real thing.  Barely any food in the fridge because we knew we would be out of the house for a few days and would just food shop when the babe was here.  Well, the 12th came and went. Every movement I would feel from baby girl I would get excited.  "This is it!", I would think but it wasn't.  Ava hung out in her cozy little womb for 8 extra days!

Now, being past due is very common for first time moms.  You will read that a million times but never think it will happen to you.  Well, it does!  Then you start to hear all the different theories on how to get the contractions started.  Walk as much as possible, bounce on an exercise ball, drive down a bumpy road and one of my absolutely favorites, have sex.  Are you freakin kidding me??? I am the size of a house, exhausted and have the body temp the same as the surface of the sun.  That is literally the last thing I want.  I can barely have clothes touch me.  So, I walked a thousand miles and bounced all day and night.  Nada!

During the last 3 days leading up to Ava's birthday I was having some serious contractions but listened to the midwives that you should stay home as long as possible.  I also thought they might just be Braxton Hicks contractions.  I was doing my best to walk through them and keep trying to motivation our little lady on out.

On Sunday before Ava's birthday, my mom, Jimmy and I were at the mall and I had a contraction that was pretty intense and then I thought I peed my pants.  Sorry if that is TMI but, if you're reading a birth story that's what you get.  Jimmy thought my water broke but in my mind it's supposed to be like a waterfall.  It couldn't be!  Fast forward to Sunday evening and contracts are so intense they are waking me up and I'm having trouble talking. 

We called the hospital to talk to the midwife on call.  I explain what happened at the mall and she suggests we stay home.  Chances are I just peed my pants.  The contracts get even more intense and we call again.  The midwife suggest coming in but thinks we'll be sent home.  We go in that evening.  The universe is so amazing in that we get admitted to the hospital by a friend of ours. 

The nurse coming in to check and see if I'm dilated and I'm only 1 cm.  AAAHHHHH! But then, she notices there is no sack for Ava.  She asks, "Did your water break?"  My answer is a shrug.  She calls in the midwife and they leave the room to check the fluid.  They return with the news, "You guys are having a baby tonight!"

We had prepared to try and go as natural as possible but one thing I really learned from becoming a mom is you can't prepare for most of what is going to get handed to you.  We start with Cytotec to get everything rolling and the contractions got intense FAST! Luckily, we had an amazing nurse who was all for the natural way until she heard they had to induce me.  She gave me the best advice I could ever get.  Get an epidural. And so we did.

After the epidural, they started my Pitocin and things moved pretty fast from there.  The best thing, I totally lost feeling in my left leg.  I would try to move it and nothing happened.  It was hilarious but really difficult to feel when a contraction would happen so I could start to push. They backed down my dose and things started to get real. 

The nurse called Jimmy over and had him grab a leg.  At one point it was just me and Jimmy and he was holding both legs!  The nurse started to show Jimmy Ava's head as it was making her way on out.  It was the most amazing hour of bonding with him I have ever had in our 4 years together.  We were working together to bring this beautiful soul earth side.  I don't think I could have that much love in my heart until they place that beautiful girl on my stomach and I heard her cry.  I still get weepy thinking about that amazing moment when all 3 of us became our family.  Ava was 7 lbs 13 oz of beauty with a full head of hair.