Breastfeeding. This is easy, right???

Nowadays, it's totally normal and encouraged that we moms breastfeed.  Things change so much from generation to generation.  Talking to my mom for instance, breastfeeding wasn't really happening when I was born.  Most kids were formula fed and no one was considered a "bad mom" if they didn't breastfeed.  Personally, after everything we went through with baby girl, I believe whatever you do to help your little one survive makes you a "good mom".  Here is my story and I hope it helps a mom or family going through the same thing we had gone through.

When we first found out we were pregnant we had so many questions.  Then when we announced our news to everyone we got a whole new gaggle (always wanted to use that) of questions. 

Are you going to have an epidural?
Are you going to be out of work for long?
Where are you going to deliever?
And my favorite..... Are you going to breastfeed?

The last question I was unsure of at first.  I didn't know how I would feel about it.  Breastfeeding wasn't a big thing in my family and I didn't have a lot of information on it.  Once we started seeing our midwives and I talked to some of my veteran mom friends we decided we would breastfeed.  Do you hear how cocky that is?  "We decided we would breastfeed."  Like it's that easy.

The midwives talked about it like it would be super easy.  They did suggest taking a class given at the hospital and so we did.  My amazing boyfriend or baby daddy and I sat in this class full of expecting moms and some supportive significant others and listened for about an hour and a half about breastfeeding.  Then they showed the video of a newborn babe rooting and I thought it was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen.  Hormonal and prego, I teared up.  I looked at Jimmy, who was laughing at me for being emotional, and told him we are breastfeeding.

Fastforward to our delivery and meeting our gorgeous girl for the first time and all the nurses in the room telling me, "Ok, feed her now."

I had no flipping clue what I was doing.  Ava attempted to latch and it was all wrong.  She cracked my nipple and I thought it was going to fall off.  I imediately asked for a lactation specialist because my amazing friend Jessica had suggested to do so. She has 2 littles ones so she is a vet!  The nurses explain that they all have had training and if I need any help they can all help out.  BOLOGNA!!! They might have had the knowledge but there was no sharing. 

I was up for 2 whole nights straight with Ava and they told me she was cluster feeding.  What was happening was Ava and I did not have the whole latching process down.  We went through a whole week of no sleep and poor Ava not being fed properly.  Jimmy was amazing through the whole week.  He was googling, youtubing and call friends to help us out.  My same amazing friend Jessica even came over on Thanksgiving night. 

Finally, Ava's newborn check up came and she had lost too much weight and our peditrican wanted us to supplement.  I was so sad and feeling like a failure.  I couldn't even feed our baby. At the class and through lots of research, you  read about nipple confusion and how supplementation drops your supply.  Just an FYI, that didn't happen for us. 

We started supplementing and I was pumping or at least trying to pump.  I literally had no idea what I was doing. 

Monday rolled around and I had remembered at the class we had taken they told us there was a free lactation clinic at the hospital we delievered at.  Jimmy dropped Ava and I off and they helped us so much!  We were able to see how much she was eating, how to latch properly and how to build my supply.  The only issue I had was they believed I was doing the wrong thing by supplementing Ava to help get her weight up.  I left feeling like a failure again.  This happened another 2 Mondays in a row.  Finally, I had to be nice to myself and not go.

Through all of this, our peditrican had noticed Ava was looking jaundice and tested her bilirubin.  We got a call back and found out that Ava's indirect bilirubin levels were elevated.  Translated, we don't just throw her under a heat lamp and she's all better.  Something was wrong with her liver.  This whole situation will be my next blog for sure.  But, she wasn't able to process her food properly.  It wasn't just me.  It wasn't the supplementation.  If it wasn't for the supplementation and all the feedings we were doing there's a good chance our baby girl wouldn't be where she is today.

Eventually, we ended up in the NICU for 10 days and it was there that we had the most amazing lacation specialist.  She was caring and sincere.  She explained that it doesn't make me a failure because I had to supplement.  She had a hospital grade pump brought to the room and had me pumping like crazy.  My supply wasn't great.  I didn't have enough gold in the mine for the babe so supplementing was what we needed to do until we could get more gold.  I would nurse Ava, then Jimmy would feed her her supplementation and I would pump.  This went on the entire time in the NICU.  By the time we left, my supply had more than doubled.  It tripled!

We went home and I started looking up prices on the hospital grade pump, The Symphony,  I used because it worked so well.  I was reading the reviews and this woman wrote the most amazing review and I'm sure she doesn't know how much it would help someone.  She explained that she didn't have a great supply and she had to supplement.  She also explained that she learned to be ok with it by reminding herself that no matter what, she was able to give her baby what she could.  She was still giving her baby breastmilk in the first few months of life which is stressed to be the most important even if she had to supplement afterwards.  She was encourging and motivating to keep pumping to build your supply, to eat the right foods/calories and to be proud of doing what you can for your baby.  Your supply will grow but even if it doesn't you're still a good mom. 

Ava was nursing until April 10th and then her hunger was more than I could handle lol!  I was so incredibly sad that we weren't nursing anymore because I loved the bonding.  I did cry.  I cried so many times over breastfeeding but now our little lady's growth chart is always increasing and she is a happy healthy baby.  I do still pump twice a day and her last feeding of the day is a mix of her formula (we use Earth's Best) and breastmilk. 

If I could help give any advice it would be this.....

Breastfeeding is REALLY hard.  It's a skill that you and your baby have to learn.  If you do have to supplement your little one, you are not a failure.  You are not a "bad mom".  Get help and don't be ashamed to ask for it.  Or, give your baby formula.  No one is a better or smarter person just because they were breastfed.  Love your baby and enjoy the time you have with them while they are still dependant on you.